The first post of any blog is super awkward. So let’s just get it out of the way and pretend it never happened. It’s kind of like a first date that way. There’s excitement, nervousness, and you’re constantly looking for some sort of exit strategy to save  your dignity if things go horrifically wrong. It’s all about appearances, first impressions, which are allegedly important. If the page was a person it’d be sitting across from you at some tacky Italian restaurant with a plate of fettucine alfredo fidgeting with its water glass going “So, do you watch any movies?” No. I live under a rock.

First posts suck! There’s a massive swathe of blankness that’s dying to be filled with something witty – but not too witty, it’s the first post you wouldn’t want to drive readers away! But don’t be too serious, serious is boring. Make sure you’re out there but not too niche while you’re at it! You have to be all the things and none of the things simultaneously for the sake of ‘finding the right audience’. Which is a bit crap. Then you start to type things out…and after three words and several variations of “This one time…” you hit the backspace button until it’s almost worn out trying to find the ‘perfect hook’. Usually this is where the panic sets in. Oh no. You’ve created a blog. Now you can’t even write a first post. Good job. But for f—s sake it’s the first post, a few posts from now no one will even remember it. So here’s my first post, may it be down to earth, slightly entertaining, and forgotten in two weeks.